When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
