Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
