good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
