all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
