he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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