Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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