his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
