You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
