My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
