Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
