Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am one with the molecules
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
