its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
