There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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