I accidentally burped into my bong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
how does that bad decision feel?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
