I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
