Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
