U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
