I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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