Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
