Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
