I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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