i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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