Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
