Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
