I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
