Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
