You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
