Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
