dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
