Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
