Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i think my cat just said my name.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
