I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
