i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
