Your dad touched me again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
