she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
