$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
