Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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