you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
