I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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