I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
