Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
