I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
