He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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