Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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