Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
