Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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