like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
