I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
