I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
