That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
