Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
