U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
