I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
