He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
