I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The Olympian is in my bed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
