and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
