hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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